Family History

It's been two and a half years since my grandfather passed away. So today I want to switch gears and talk about him.

I never realized as a kid how special he was. I never realized that he had such great moral values, but looking back on his life now I realize that my grandfather was a great man and I am very proud to claim him as MY grandfather.

It started out as a love story. My grandfather met my grandmother and he said it was love at first sight. They "courted" for about a year and then they were married. But shortly after being married my grandfather got drafted into WWII. My grandmother decided to fill her time as a school teacher. She had a great love of children.

Here in itself is another amazing story... He was a combat medic and he survived! I don't know what he was like before he went to war, but I know what he was like after. He was still a people person, but I knew he carried scars in his heart. My grandfather was a hardened man. In military terms we call it bearing...

My grandfather was gone for three years before he could return to his love. Once he returned, they settled bought a house and then several years later they started having kids. They had my mom, my uncle, and my aunt.

One day my paw-paw took my grandmother to the dentist because she had a tooth ache. The dentist lanced it and told her to go on about her business. The problem was, it wasn't a tooth ache at all... It was cancer.

Two years later my grandmother died. In 1961, there was no good cancer regiment. My grandfather took her all over the country to specialists. He even took her to NYC and then he tried to make it fun for her while they were there. He took her to the Statute of Liberty and The Empire State Building. He spent every dime he had trying to save the "love of his life" but in the end it didn't work.

Here in itself is another amazing story.... Back in the late 50's and early 60's it was socially unacceptable for a man to be a single father. If something happened to the mother, the children were always shipped off to the orphanage. It was taboo for a man to raise his children.

After my grandmother died, they came and told him he had to ship his children off to the orphanage and my paw-paw looked at them and said NO!! He refused to do it. He said I will do whatever it takes to my family together. He was always very realistic about it. He said I know it's going to be hard. I know there are going to be changes, but we will make it and that's exactly what he did.

He raised his kids all by himself and he said many times it was not easy. I'm sure many single parents would tell you the same from today's time. I believe that it was harder back then though because it was a social taboo. There weren't a lot of resources for single parents and he had to learn parenting by trial and error... not that all new parents don't do that, but you get the idea.

I know from experience in my own family that when you depend on somebody else's help it is very hard to have to re-adjust into going solo.

Of course, he had issues with his two girls. My mom (since she was the oldest) got put in the mom position. At the age of 12, my mom had to begin cooking breakfast and dinner for the family. In addition to that, she had to start doing the entire family's laundry and basically fulfilling the role the mom would play. I can remember many times, my mom saying, all she wanted to do was go outside and play with all the other kids but instead she had to stay inside and cook or do laundry.

It wasn't fair to my mom, but it had to be done. My paw-paw couldn't do everything. Even to this day, my mom is still kind of the head of the the siblings. They still ask her for advice and comfort.

The point is, we all have choices. In everyday life, we all have choices that will affect us in ways we won't realize until much later in life. In my paw-paw's case, he knew that his choice would affect him immediately, but he didn't know how it would affect the kids until much later.

So I want to give him the credit that is due him. He was a great man. He had a strong moral and value system and he didn't let anyone sway him from them. He didn't care who you were.

On an ending note, I just want to briefly convey one of my very last memories of him... Some of you may or may not know, but I was a US Marine. When you are done with boot camp, the Corps hold a "graduation" for your family. I want every one of you to know, my Paw-Paw was there. He drove hours upon hours just to come see me graduate. For the first time in my life, he told me how proud of me he was. He didn't have to tell me though because I could see it in his eyes. He was beaming with pride. Someone and I don't know who caught a picture of him speaking to me and then breaking into a hug. It is my most cherished picture I have of him now because I can go back and relive the words he said to me and the feelings I had right at the moment.

I love you Paw-Paw!!!

Changing Gears (Explicit Language Warning)

So I am going to change gears here for this blog. I have something that has really been bugging me and I feel like I need to get it off my chest...

How many times in your life have you met a person that refuses to take responsibility for their own actions? It's anybody or anything's fault besides my own. That ideology makes my blood boil! Can I start smacking people yet? GRRR!!! I won't go into details because I tend to be a private person, but I can tell you this... At the end of the day you had a choice and you made it. Whether it was good or bad no one forced you to do anything you didn't want to do.

My next thing is "I didn't know it was wrong." Excuse my language, but BULLSHIT!!! If you didn't know it was wrong why did you go to such great lengths to lie about it? If you didn't know it was wrong, why did you put so much thought into hiding it? Why did you go to so much trouble to keep it a secret? All I can say is the hell you didn't!!!

I have no use for this. None. The first step into being the person you want to be is being able to admit that it was ALL your fault. The second step is to be remorseful. I mean REALLY being sorry... not just some dumb act. I'm hear to tell you people see through the scam. Third, figure out the problem and you tackle that problem head on. You do whatever it takes to fix it and I'm not just talking about doing whatever it takes to make it right between you and the person. I'm talking about having the gumption to feel things you never wanted to feel. Having the gumption to deal with the issue(s) that caused the problems to begin in the first place.

Changing is not easy. No one ever promised a bed of roses... But at the end of the day you either have what it takes or you don't. If you don't then it's time for you to go crawl under a rock and die. Life is all about change. You either adapt and overcome or you die.

I get sick and tired of hearing some people's sad sob stories about why they couldn't make it. I'm hear to tell you yes you can. If you want something bad enough, you'll do whatever it takes. If you want to overcome drugs and alcohol, you do whatever it takes. You dump bad influences... you change your life and the schedule. You stop going places that make you want to do the same things. In other words, you do it because you want that change.

It's time to cut the bullshit. Stop being a damn coward. Stop with the dumb excuses. My patience is gone.

Oh Snap You're Full Of Crap!!

How many of us have had frenemies? All you ladies know what I'm talking about... A frenemy is 1/2 friend and 1/2 enemy. In our daily lives, we all have to deal with unpleasant people. Sometimes, we have to deal with people like this because of our jobs or other requirements.

Here's my philosophy though: Why should I have to deal with someone like this on a constant basis in my personal life? Why should I expose myself to people who will stab me in the back? I understand that concept in the business world. It's my job to stand my ground. It's my job to woo this people, but why should I have to surround myself with people like this in my personal life?

My personal life is just that... personal. I should be able to surround myself with people I trust and feel at ease with. Why must I remain on guard 24/7? That gives me no time at all to enjoy the things I like. It gives me no time to live life.

We spend enough time working. We spend enough time having to be around people that we would really rather not be around. So I have decided that I am done with frenemies in my personal life.

If they aren't someone I can trust then I have no need for them. I am not dishonest or untrustworthy. There are some traits that I despise and won't tolerate them. Like lying... I'm not talking about little white lies like honey does this make my butt look big kind of lie... I'm talking about the kind of lie that says is deceitful or hurtful... like going around telling people a spouse of a friend is cheating on said spouse when there is no evidence to it. These types of lies are unacceptable. I think it really boils down to personal preference and I don't care what the psychologist of the hour has to say about it. It's not good for your health or well being.