Thinking of Joining the Military? Better Read This First....

Yesterday, I was faced with one of those military personnel who said that speaking out about the rape epidemic is the same as bashing the military. Not only that, but then he opened the flood gates of abuses on me name calling and acting like he was better than me just because he was a male. This whole instance got me thinking- what would I say to someone who is thinking of joining? Would they still join if they knew what it really involves? I don't know, but I do know that at least they would be well informed before they made any decisions. So I ask are you thinking of joining the military? Do some research first. Here is some informative articles and documentaries I have compiled that can be a start for you. Also know that if this should happen to you you need to get in touch with a military rape crisis counselor. There are many organizations that take calls 24/7 so Google them and call. Do NOT call the VA Crisis Line. Call the rape crisis counselor who will tell you what steps to take and how to keep a copy of the evidence. There is a very good chance your command will try to have your evidence destroyed. You need that evidence for when you file for disability through the VA. I can't emphasize it enough, call the rape crisis counselor and go to a civilian hospital never ever go on base! http://nation.time.com/2013/05/09/fear-of-reprisal-the-quiet-accomplice-in-the-militarys-sexual-assault-epidemic/ http://america.aljazeera.com/watch/shows/america-tonight/america-tonight-blog/2014/3/20/victims-of-militarysexualassaultappealtohumanrightscommission.html The Invisible War (http://invisiblewarmovie.com/), documentary, June 2012 The academy-award nominated documentary has helped bring the military’s rape crisis to national attention (http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/blog/the-film-that-revolutionized-the-conversation-about-military-rape). Filmmakers interviewed victims and military personnel to reveal the overwhelming obstacles to prosecuting military rape, and how inadequate efforts have been so far to curbing sexual assault. Trauma Sets Female Veterans Adrift Back Home (http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/28/us/female-veterans-face-limbo-in-lives-on-the-street.html), New York Times, February 2013 According to the Pentagon report, 48,100 women (and (http://www.thenation.com/blog/173522/new-study-demands-zero-tolerance-military-sexual-assault)43,700 men) reported (http://www.thenation.com/blog/173522/new-study-demands-zero-tolerance-military-sexual-assault) military sexual trauma last year, which studies say makes them nine times more likely (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15385701) to suffer from PTSD. This two-part New York Times series documents the struggles facing women veterans who’ve suffered from sexual assault, including homelessness and unemployment. The Rape of Petty Officer Blumer (http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-rape-of-petty-officer-blumer-20130214?src=longreads), Rolling Stone, February 2013 The story of one naval officer’s rape details the consequences victims face for coming forward — consequences that keep most victims from reporting sexual attacks. After telling her superiors she had been raped, Rebecca Blumer was accused of lying, sexually harassed, denied promotions and ultimately discharged. Rape victims say military labels them 'crazy' (http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/14/health/military-sexual-assaults-personality-disorder), CNN, April 2012 A CNN investigation found another way the military handles rape accusations: labeling victims as emotionally unstable. After reporting a sexual assault, multiple service members were diagnosed with a personality disorder and discharged. Their abuse allegations were ignored. The Enemy Within (http://www.nationaljournal.com/magazine/the-military-s-rape-problem-20120913), National Journal, September 2012 What is it about the military that makes sexual assault so pervasive? The National Journal digs into the policies behind the statistics, and the legal loopholes exploited by sexual predators. Pentagon grapples with sex crimes by military recruiters (http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/pentagon-grapples-with-sex-crimes-by-military-recruiters/2013/05/12/d082ec1c-b97e-11e2-bd07-b6e0e6152528_story.html), Washington Post, May 2013 Active service members aren’t the only ones vulnerable to sexual assault. A recent series of scandals across the country exposed military recruiters accused of sexually abusing young people looking to enlist. Betrayal in the Ranks (http://extras.denverpost.com/justice/tdp_betrayal.pdf), The Denver Post, 2004 The Denver Post spoke with more than 60 victims about their battle for justice, and the psychological trauma that lasted long after their assault. Many felt the military blamed them for their rape, while shielding their attackers from punishment.

Tonight seems to be one of those nights. My demons keep coming back to haunt me. I just had the flashback from hell which set my anxiety and anger into high gear to the point I literally feel sick. I really hate certain people and when I saw their face all of that shit came flooding back they things they did to me. The certain person could have at least warned me in advance but as usual it always comes out of nowhere and catches you completely offguard then leaves you sick to your stomach and the anger. Some days I can kill it other days I can't and that's where I am right now. Trying to work that anger back down. These are the times I hide out away from people. People don't realize how dangerous my anger gets. I hide to keep me safe and keep them safe too. Sounds bad doesn't it? It scares me too. All I can do is work on it and keep trying to be a better person and overcome this.

Do You Have This?

So my husband randomly pointed out that I sleep on the wrong side of the bed. I was like no... no I don't. Then he said why do you always have to be closest to the door? He said every place we've ever lived, you have always had to be close by a door.

I had never thought about it at least not conscientiously, but after he mentioned it I realized that is true. Whenever I am in class I have to sit by the door. Whenever I am at home, I have to sleep on the side of the bed that is closer to the door. It doesn't matter which side it is... it just has to be by the door. No matter where I go I always make note of where the doors are and the closest paths of escape to these doors.

So I decided I would google to see what in the world was the root cause of needing to always be close to a door... it turns out there is a thing called agoraphobia... Apparently it has to do with a fear of not being able to escape.

Although I have not gotten to the root of this, I at least know what it is now. I have never thought of myself as having panic issues or anything like that... But according to the DSVM-IV it's classed as a panic disorder.

Is it possible this is a crock of hooey? Do we really need a label? I don't swing into full panic mode if I can't be by a door. It doesn't cause me severe distress, but if given the choice that's what I would prefer. Is it really any different than preferring the color pink over the color purple?

Seriously, if there is anyone out there that knows about this stuff please come enlighten me...