Congresswoman Jackie Speier Discusses STOP Act & the Significance of General Sinclair's Punishment

Congresswoman Jackie Speier comes forward to speak on General Sinclair. She highlights the exact point I've been making to her for 3 years now... Commanders are not law enforcement nor are they lawyers. They have no investigation experience or training. If you need heart surgery do you go to the foot doctor? Then why would anyone be okay with letting untrained personnel decide violent felonies... let's call it what it is. The really sad part was they were using General Sinclair as an example of how tough & serious they were about "zero tolerance" ... we walked away with a fine.... A fine his wife complained about... do you think she cared that her husband is a convicted rapist now? No she just cared that the fine isn't fair & we need that money. That's the "justice" survivors get... This survivor is lucky she even got to court martial. Oh & I forgot to mention that the asked him to retire as in here have full benefits even if you are a convicted sex offender. That's the uphill battle survivors & advocates fight daily- a system that's designed to force survivors out & reward the violent criminals. 

And just for the record I'm not bashing the military nor am I saying all soldiers marines or squids are rapists because they aren't. I'm simply saying that this is a problem & we need to fix it now. Let's make it a safe environment where people don't have to be afraid of getting raped violated or having things literally shoved up their anal area. 

3 years ago I teamed up with Jackie along with other advocates as well.... and in those 3 years we have moved mountains, (which we never expected) but still it hasn't been enough. Every victory we won there was still the looming issues of why is the commander the legal expert & jury without an ounce of investigation experience. We won't stop until we force that change. It's coming whether they like it or not. Commanders you've now officially been put on notice.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/20/opinion/speier-military-prosecution/index.html?c=&page=1

Thoughts and Confessions

I have to be ho nest, I rarely read articles about myself. When they get ready to cover me in the media, I usually avoid watching. I just always expect the responses to be negative just like the Marine Corps was.
A very good friend of mine who is also a very well known advocate told me that I really should read when they cover me. I've been thinking about it and then finally I did it.
I was completely shocked & amazed by article after article. People are genuinely Infuriated by what happened to me and how they treated me. They realize that if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone.
The outrage & support has been amazing. I never expected .... never even crossed my mind that complete strangers would hear my story and fight for me. They took my voice and kicked me when I was down but then the public was on my side and it felt like justice was alive again. The morals I thought most had lost were back & for the first time in my life the public's voice had become louder than my commander and every other participant. All the times they put me down the public cried louder and it was in support of me. I am the girl next door. I am the All American kid who is going places that has potential... and it was cut short out of discrimination and gender hate and bias.
I can keep going because people like you support me. They help me prove my point. So to all the reports who helped me, thank you. It has still been a long hard road, but it's been made easier with your verbal support. ♡

Thinking of Joining the Military? Better Read This First....

Yesterday, I was faced with one of those military personnel who said that speaking out about the rape epidemic is the same as bashing the military. Not only that, but then he opened the flood gates of abuses on me name calling and acting like he was better than me just because he was a male. This whole instance got me thinking- what would I say to someone who is thinking of joining? Would they still join if they knew what it really involves? I don't know, but I do know that at least they would be well informed before they made any decisions. So I ask are you thinking of joining the military? Do some research first. Here is some informative articles and documentaries I have compiled that can be a start for you. Also know that if this should happen to you you need to get in touch with a military rape crisis counselor. There are many organizations that take calls 24/7 so Google them and call. Do NOT call the VA Crisis Line. Call the rape crisis counselor who will tell you what steps to take and how to keep a copy of the evidence. There is a very good chance your command will try to have your evidence destroyed. You need that evidence for when you file for disability through the VA. I can't emphasize it enough, call the rape crisis counselor and go to a civilian hospital never ever go on base! http://nation.time.com/2013/05/09/fear-of-reprisal-the-quiet-accomplice-in-the-militarys-sexual-assault-epidemic/ http://america.aljazeera.com/watch/shows/america-tonight/america-tonight-blog/2014/3/20/victims-of-militarysexualassaultappealtohumanrightscommission.html The Invisible War (http://invisiblewarmovie.com/), documentary, June 2012 The academy-award nominated documentary has helped bring the military’s rape crisis to national attention (http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/blog/the-film-that-revolutionized-the-conversation-about-military-rape). Filmmakers interviewed victims and military personnel to reveal the overwhelming obstacles to prosecuting military rape, and how inadequate efforts have been so far to curbing sexual assault. Trauma Sets Female Veterans Adrift Back Home (http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/28/us/female-veterans-face-limbo-in-lives-on-the-street.html), New York Times, February 2013 According to the Pentagon report, 48,100 women (and (http://www.thenation.com/blog/173522/new-study-demands-zero-tolerance-military-sexual-assault)43,700 men) reported (http://www.thenation.com/blog/173522/new-study-demands-zero-tolerance-military-sexual-assault) military sexual trauma last year, which studies say makes them nine times more likely (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15385701) to suffer from PTSD. This two-part New York Times series documents the struggles facing women veterans who’ve suffered from sexual assault, including homelessness and unemployment. The Rape of Petty Officer Blumer (http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-rape-of-petty-officer-blumer-20130214?src=longreads), Rolling Stone, February 2013 The story of one naval officer’s rape details the consequences victims face for coming forward — consequences that keep most victims from reporting sexual attacks. After telling her superiors she had been raped, Rebecca Blumer was accused of lying, sexually harassed, denied promotions and ultimately discharged. Rape victims say military labels them 'crazy' (http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/14/health/military-sexual-assaults-personality-disorder), CNN, April 2012 A CNN investigation found another way the military handles rape accusations: labeling victims as emotionally unstable. After reporting a sexual assault, multiple service members were diagnosed with a personality disorder and discharged. Their abuse allegations were ignored. The Enemy Within (http://www.nationaljournal.com/magazine/the-military-s-rape-problem-20120913), National Journal, September 2012 What is it about the military that makes sexual assault so pervasive? The National Journal digs into the policies behind the statistics, and the legal loopholes exploited by sexual predators. Pentagon grapples with sex crimes by military recruiters (http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/pentagon-grapples-with-sex-crimes-by-military-recruiters/2013/05/12/d082ec1c-b97e-11e2-bd07-b6e0e6152528_story.html), Washington Post, May 2013 Active service members aren’t the only ones vulnerable to sexual assault. A recent series of scandals across the country exposed military recruiters accused of sexually abusing young people looking to enlist. Betrayal in the Ranks (http://extras.denverpost.com/justice/tdp_betrayal.pdf), The Denver Post, 2004 The Denver Post spoke with more than 60 victims about their battle for justice, and the psychological trauma that lasted long after their assault. Many felt the military blamed them for their rape, while shielding their attackers from punishment.

Tonight seems to be one of those nights. My demons keep coming back to haunt me. I just had the flashback from hell which set my anxiety and anger into high gear to the point I literally feel sick. I really hate certain people and when I saw their face all of that shit came flooding back they things they did to me. The certain person could have at least warned me in advance but as usual it always comes out of nowhere and catches you completely offguard then leaves you sick to your stomach and the anger. Some days I can kill it other days I can't and that's where I am right now. Trying to work that anger back down. These are the times I hide out away from people. People don't realize how dangerous my anger gets. I hide to keep me safe and keep them safe too. Sounds bad doesn't it? It scares me too. All I can do is work on it and keep trying to be a better person and overcome this.

No, Time Does Not Heal Everything....

You still cross my mind sometimes... like when I hear a song like Silver Springs.... it flashes me back like a kladascope of the nearly 2 years we spent together. I can't help but to laugh now. You were right I would find someone. In the beginning I was so hurt that you could backstab me in the manner you did, not that I didn't deserve some of it, but I realize now it was all a matter of self preservation. You unexpectedly lost me. Because of that, other things came snowballing down. Your life was starting to crumble around you. Of course, so was mine, but I don't think you stopped to think about that. I don't think you stopped to think about how scared I was and the trauma I went through and the aftermath that led up to the end. By the end, I was angry at the fact you backstabbed me so it became a matter who could hurt who the most. I hurt you, you hurt me, and the vicious cycle continued until we both moved. I hurt you and your family and a certain someone I loved very much. That, I do deeply regret. If I could take anything back, it would have been that. That certain someone didn't deserve the raw end of that deal. The funny thing is we were friends and even to this day I would still help said person even though I know it wouldn't be reciprocated. I also know they were poisoned against me... for that I feel bitter, but what do I really expect? Maybe one day said person will overcome that poison. Maybe they won't. Who knows? All I know is that there were some lines that should have never been crossed and if I had it to do again that would have been completely off limits. I understand and know better now. Unfortunately, my Hot Tub Time Machine is broken at the moment lol I use to think it was because you hated me and I realize that you do hate me. I also realize that in order to hate me you have to feel something. Isn't it funny how that works? That's the way it was all the way back then to. I know this because I find that I still have that bad taste you left me with. Sometimes, I am able to smile when I think of you, but more times than not I find myself thinking you're the same asshole you always were. That's not exactly true though. You were always wonderful and nice until I screwed up. I let somebody get to me and that was from my inexperience. That would never happen now, but now it doesn't matter. Of course, the incident prior to someone getting to me wouldn't happen now either... you put me through so many things I was not ready to experience and left me out to dry sort of. Well, that's not exactly fair to say either. You didn't leave me but you sure tried scaring the shit out of me and it worked too. I was terrified of you by the end. I also realize that you have guilt... guilt for the things I ended up going through. You disguised that guilt into hate and it became easier to be angry and hate than it did to deal with it and what you had done. Of course there was some legitimate anger as well as I never disputed I deserved that anger. You always did have that mean streak... just like that the time you told me that's your problem you think you're part of this family and you're not. I can look back and smirk about it now realizing you would be that mean over a haircut, but it never was about the haircut or me trying to fix it. It was you trying to come to terms with how you felt about me and how you saw me. Just so you know, at the time, I cried for days after you said that. I took it at face value and I still think you meant it at least on some level. Those things, I don't miss at all. I often think that if given the chance to do it over you would run, but then I think no I don't think so because I was exactly what you needed and wanted at that time. Ironically, you modeled your new wife after me. I only know this because I saw you all one of the times I flew in... I was able to escape to your right without you seeing me... being short has its advantages... I can easily hide from tall people like you. It also helped that I had my hair that you always loved covered so it didn't attract your attention either. See, I did you a favor. Okay that's a lie. I did me the favor. I didn't feel like getting yelled at in public nor did I feel like getting humiliated. You were always so two sided. One side of you was so nice. The other side of you was evil and cruel. Looking back on it now, I think you got traumatic brain injury from getting hit in the head during your football days... BTW, thank you for the great honor of holding your ring. I can say I am one of the few who will ever get to say I had one of those in my hands, but then again I am always one of the few who can say they dated someone like you... so I guess that makes us even; notch on your belt, notch on my belt. I did find someone and I moved on too. I went through a few more awful things and then things started falling into place. I am not the same person you knew though. Life has changed me drastically. I don't know if life changed you. What I do know is I wish you the best in your life. I found someone, but not someone like you and for me it is over. I haven't thought of you since I saw you in 2008 until I heard Silver Springs the other day which reminded me of you. I never listen to that song anymore. It reminds me of how you use to harass me about listening to it repeatedly. What you didn't know was I was learning the words because I am a fantastic singer and when you weren't around I would belt it out kind of like Adele. I was just never willing to be a starving artist selling my soul in hopes on one day becoming famous. Fame is something else. Now that I have become somewhat famous, I get that too... Oh so much you don't know and so much you won't know. Life is funny like that isn't it? Things happen for a reason and if you hadn't backstabbed me I wouldn't have this big house or my nice truck or the life I have today. I would have still been in the ville not amounting to shit selling myself short instead of becoming who I became. It's true things happen for a reason. We might not see them at the time, but eventually we will and on that thought I'd just like to throw out there that no time doesn't heal everything and I have the feeling you agree also. I started out thinking I wonder if X ever thinks of me. That is a stupid question. I know you do sometimes. You get flashbacks just like me that randomly trigger certain memories of me to you just the same as they do me. That's when I sigh and say oh well and push you right out of my mind back into the black abyss... the graveyard of unwanted and forgotten memories. So long X hopefully it's another 5+ years before I think of you again.... In the meantime here's Silver Springs. For some reason Adele reminds me of you not because for her it isn't over, but because we each found someone and moved on.

Incompetent Treatment

I often wonder why the VA as inadequate services for females. The simple explanation is they are more male than female veterans. But really, that's just a surface answer. If you are a female veteran, like I am, you already have an idea.

In the military culture, females are second class. The point of view is of one that we don't belong or we belong for the sole purpose of supporting the males. I won't get into that particular scenario any further for right now.

Apparently the same philosophy is at the VA as well. Now I have to ask myself why and how? Most of the people at the VA are not actually veterans. Amazing right? So where do they get this idea, this culture carry over? They shouldn't be in the thought process of females not belonging. I understand in my clinic and hospital, cater mainly to males. In my clinic, I am 1 of 6 females versus the hundreds of males they see daily. In that aspect, I get it. However, the point is, why is my treatment and/or care inadequate?

Some males I know can go in and have no problem getting great care. They get scripted narcotics without transferring medical records in. Their word about their pain is automatically taken at face value. When I go in, I have to fight to get them to treat me and believe I really have pain. Why is that?

I am service connected, which means I have a certified disability from the military. This automatically puts me into a higher priority group. Since my disability rating is higher, my priority is higher. Why is it when I call to get in, I can't. However, these same males that I know aren't even service connected and in a lower priority than me and somehow can get in quicker than I can. I really want to know how that works! That's against their own rules, but yet they break them.

At the end of the day, the same discrimination carries over from the military to the VA. I have no answer for why though. All I know is it infuriates me to be treated as a second class citizen. I gave this country and my branch of service, my blood, sweat, and tears literally. I deserve the same respect my male counterparts are automatically given. I shouldn't be forced to take my service connected health issues to a private doctor to receive treatment. If you're service connected, they are required to take care of that health issue. They broke you so they get to fix you.... unless you're the wrong gender. If so, prepare for an uphill battle that will take every trick you know plus some to win!

A reporter that I spoke with sometime ago thought it was huge that females are mistreated. I said well, being as I have lived it many times over, it's not that big of a deal to me. In fact, females expect it. Ask any female active duty or vet and see what they say. It's common knowledge to us. I know there was a time when I just expected that civilians knew this. However, after dealing with the media and civilians, I have realized that the majority of Americans have no clue what the culture in the military is. It doesn't matter which branch you were/are in, the culture is the same. I have sisters from every branch and eras and it is common knowledge and still the same culture. The US Government, who by the way is being sued for the mistreatment of females, says we as females should expect it and then goes on to say (paraphrased here) that we are collateral damage. We are the expendable ones. That is exactly how we are treated.

It makes me angry that I gave part of my life to this country and the government sees me as collateral damage and expendable. I am a human and all humans have basic god given rights. How dare the government think of me as anything less than a human who was hired by them to do a job... not a POS and to be treated as such for being the wrong gender. How dare the VA treat me as a POS, denying care for my service connected disability, allowing non-service connected males to be seen more quickly than me. I earned those benefits. I got hurt in the line of duty only to come home to a VA who has taken the same stance against females as the military.

The civilians have no clue that we are treated this way. I have been thanked more times than I know what to do by civilians men and women alike. That's always followed by what branch were you in and then the jaw dropping. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am really that tough lol Back to the subject at hand though... Americans don't know and them treating me in this manner proves it. The discrimination is military and VA specific.

I am not expendable or collateral damage and I should have to expect mistreatment as part of taking the job. I am a human being. Treat me like one.

Dear VA I Now Prounce You to Fuck Off!

Dear VA,

I hate your fucking guts! I can't believe half the shit you try to do to veterans and I certainly can't believe you hire doctors who hate veterans to treat their medical needs.

You made one really big mistake, You chose me to mess with. I am a fighter and I will always be a fighter. I will never lay down and take anybody's shit. The shit you tried pulling on me... WRONG ANSWER!!!

You don't know who I am or who I know. All you know is that I am a second class stupid BAM or WM, but guess what? You're WRONG.

I will bring you down and make you pay for the bullshit you did. I will change it for every single vet out there. Laugh if you will. Tell me I am nothing. Tell me I can't do it. And guess what will happen? I will be the one laughing as I watch your establishment the way you knew it crumble and burn to the ground.

That's the really funny thing, media loves stories of mistreatment of vets. Congressmen and Senators love it. The FBI loves to investigate it because most of them are vets as well too and since y'all are fed the FBI gets to handle you.

The one lone mistake you made was picking somebody who knows the law and who is well connected.

You have become my personal quest now.

I now pronounce you to fuck off and get ready for the shit storm coming your way. I am....