Perspective ....

For those of you who don't know, I am a United States Marine Corps veteran- and in case you're wondering: NO I would never go back. I have been thinking quite a bit lately about being a veteran and active duty...

As I look back at my time in service, what I gave up was not worth it. I look back now and wondered why I ever gave it up; to fight a war some presidents said were good for us? For all you gung-ho active duty people, spare me the ensuring your freedom speech. I've heard it at least a thousand times before...

I gave up far more than what the officials of the country deserve and at the end of the day, I am expendable to them. Every single person in the military regardless of branch is expendable. Out of everybody though, females are the most expendable. We are treated the worst. It is common knowledge that they (males) don't want us there and they make sure to tell us that we don't belong. They make fun of us for being weak and nasty because we need a shower every 3 days for our feminine hygiene needs. We are weak because we cry sometimes. We are weak because we can't run as fast as the males. The list goes on and on and on...

You may be wondering what is it I gave up? I gave up who I was and everything I loved. I walked away from it all. I am a disabled veteran now. I wasn't weak and I didn't let them break me... not for lack of trying on their part like putting me an 8 month pregnant woman on hard labor as a punishment for something I didn't even do. And yes they do crap like that ALL THE TIME. I could go on and on, but I'll save it for more blogs...

I have had to deal with this and face it all week. I had to sit there and read my SRB so I can give parts to my VSO (Veteran's Service Officer). At the end of the day, the only thing that happens is I wind up a lot more angrier!

Where do I go from angry? I don't want to live in a constant state of anger, but the more I am forced to face this mess, the more it triggers me. People don't understand I have a huge black storm inside me. Some days I can calm it other days there's no chance in hell it will calm! It isn't a matter of if I snap, but rather WHEN. I got away from this lifestyle for a reason and yet here I am being forced back into the lifestyle and the type of people I can't stand. The type of people that I want nothing to do with. I don't care which branch you go to, the males all think alike. They may not say anything the first time, but it wont be long before they do and when they do it will be inappropriate, hateful, spiteful, humiliating, and demoralizing.

Better lock your wives, daughters, and sisters up... they effing everybody up in here....

More to come in a later blog

Do You Have This?

So my husband randomly pointed out that I sleep on the wrong side of the bed. I was like no... no I don't. Then he said why do you always have to be closest to the door? He said every place we've ever lived, you have always had to be close by a door.

I had never thought about it at least not conscientiously, but after he mentioned it I realized that is true. Whenever I am in class I have to sit by the door. Whenever I am at home, I have to sleep on the side of the bed that is closer to the door. It doesn't matter which side it is... it just has to be by the door. No matter where I go I always make note of where the doors are and the closest paths of escape to these doors.

So I decided I would google to see what in the world was the root cause of needing to always be close to a door... it turns out there is a thing called agoraphobia... Apparently it has to do with a fear of not being able to escape.

Although I have not gotten to the root of this, I at least know what it is now. I have never thought of myself as having panic issues or anything like that... But according to the DSVM-IV it's classed as a panic disorder.

Is it possible this is a crock of hooey? Do we really need a label? I don't swing into full panic mode if I can't be by a door. It doesn't cause me severe distress, but if given the choice that's what I would prefer. Is it really any different than preferring the color pink over the color purple?

Seriously, if there is anyone out there that knows about this stuff please come enlighten me...