Insert Witty Headline Here....

I'm sitting here waiting on the meds to kick in... I am so angry I am literally shaking trying to keep my adrenaline in check. It's radiating throughout my body making my heart pound and my muscles tense. The one thing I know about myself is when I get like this I have to hide. If I don't I will end up beating somebody down.

The tears you may ask? Eff the tears! I will never let on that they got through my thick skin. All I got to say say is you are a piece of shit liar! And on that note, I'm leaving it there.

As usual, I will be walking this road alone again. I can see now why hate is so easy to have.

Mommy Is In Time Out!

I have been feverishly working to get my house spotless as we have a very important guest coming tomorrow. My kids won't co-operate nor will my husband nor will my animals co-operate. I feel like I need to kick everybody out of this house until tomorrow!

I would also really like to know why my house smells like piss... I believe it was the cat who was pissed we put her in the basement. Once I figure out where the piss smell is coming from I guess I get to clean that and then I am going to figure out what to do with the cat because she is going bye bye... and yes I really mean that. She's a straight bitch. She claws my furniture and door frames. Now I have found claw marks all in my solid oak brand new wood cabinets. She sometimes feels like going in her litter box. Her fur is constantly flying all over the place- which BTW I am extremely allergic to.

My kids decided to break my desk drawers. My house came with a desk in the kitchen. This desk has drawers. My kids decided it would be a great idea to shove all their crap in and of course it got stuck! So then they said uh oh better get it out to which they somehow ripped the drawer right out of the desk and it appears that they actually broke the rollers. Fantastic... tell me what hardware store is open in small town USA? Yea exactly.

I am having a very hard time controlling my anger today. I want things to go right and I want to get done with my housework, but nothing seems to be going my way which is in turn feeding more into my anger. So I decided perhaps I should take a break and blog it out... otherwise my anger might just boil over and that's when people start getting hurt. I don't want to hurt people nor do I like it... so here's my mommy time out. I guess moms need to go in time out too huh? lol

This is not how I envisioned spending my 4th... But at least there are fireworks tonight!!! Happy 4th everybody. God Bless America and especially the south!!!

Perspective ....

For those of you who don't know, I am a United States Marine Corps veteran- and in case you're wondering: NO I would never go back. I have been thinking quite a bit lately about being a veteran and active duty...

As I look back at my time in service, what I gave up was not worth it. I look back now and wondered why I ever gave it up; to fight a war some presidents said were good for us? For all you gung-ho active duty people, spare me the ensuring your freedom speech. I've heard it at least a thousand times before...

I gave up far more than what the officials of the country deserve and at the end of the day, I am expendable to them. Every single person in the military regardless of branch is expendable. Out of everybody though, females are the most expendable. We are treated the worst. It is common knowledge that they (males) don't want us there and they make sure to tell us that we don't belong. They make fun of us for being weak and nasty because we need a shower every 3 days for our feminine hygiene needs. We are weak because we cry sometimes. We are weak because we can't run as fast as the males. The list goes on and on and on...

You may be wondering what is it I gave up? I gave up who I was and everything I loved. I walked away from it all. I am a disabled veteran now. I wasn't weak and I didn't let them break me... not for lack of trying on their part like putting me an 8 month pregnant woman on hard labor as a punishment for something I didn't even do. And yes they do crap like that ALL THE TIME. I could go on and on, but I'll save it for more blogs...

I have had to deal with this and face it all week. I had to sit there and read my SRB so I can give parts to my VSO (Veteran's Service Officer). At the end of the day, the only thing that happens is I wind up a lot more angrier!

Where do I go from angry? I don't want to live in a constant state of anger, but the more I am forced to face this mess, the more it triggers me. People don't understand I have a huge black storm inside me. Some days I can calm it other days there's no chance in hell it will calm! It isn't a matter of if I snap, but rather WHEN. I got away from this lifestyle for a reason and yet here I am being forced back into the lifestyle and the type of people I can't stand. The type of people that I want nothing to do with. I don't care which branch you go to, the males all think alike. They may not say anything the first time, but it wont be long before they do and when they do it will be inappropriate, hateful, spiteful, humiliating, and demoralizing.

Better lock your wives, daughters, and sisters up... they effing everybody up in here....

More to come in a later blog

Moral Waivers... Really?

I was in the Marine Corps. I sit back and I look at all the people from the Marine Corps and the majority of the time I step back. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach. The best way I can describe it is to say it relates closely to hate. It isn't all of them, but it is the majority of them. They are always the same. Even though I am technically one of them; I am not one of them. I am proud I am not one of them.

Here's where ignorant people would say she's downing the military. Here is where I say, you're ignorant and you have no clue about things that really go on in the military. The military is not a place for women. Here's where the feminist will try to jump in my crawl. I still stand by what I said. Until they have been there and experienced it, to me, their opinions don't matter. How can you have an opinion on something that you've never experienced? That would be like saying I like pizza but then admitting you've never eaten pizza.

It isn't that women aren't capable of doing the jobs. It's that at the end of the day men are men. Some men are educated and refined while others are just incapable of turning those instincts off. Some men care, but the vast majority of the men in the military don't care and that's where the problem comes into play. Let's think about this logically for a minute; Why are these men going to be sensitive to women? They are trained to be rough, tough, and trained to be killers. How is one going to be able to flip the switch from killer to sensitive?

The military claims they have a high moral standard, but they don't. Has anyone ever heard of the "moral waiver" or "character waiver"? These waivers allow pretty much anyone to get in. Drug dealers, users, thieves, and even rapists. Please watch this new segment with Katie Couric to see about the "moral waiver" that allows this convicted felons to enter our military.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCV6HSKNeNo

So to women thinking about joining the military, I have one thing to ask... Why? Why would you want to subject yourself to the dangers? You have a better chance of surviving combat than you do surviving the males.

Creepy...

I don't know if you're like me, but I am very skeptical of psychics. I will say this, I believe there are some real ones out there, but I believe the majority of them are fake. Now with that being said, I am going on to my story....

I have a friend who will not be mentioned. She went to go see a psychic recently. The psychic repeatedly asked her if she had a friend by my name. Here's where it gets creepy... My friend never talked about me to said psychic. Said psychic has never met my friend before. My friend obviously was not wearing anything with my name... had no pics of me... and so forth. My name is not a common name. In all my life, and I have lived all over the country, I have only met 3 other people with my name. My name is not common. Okay but that isn't the creepy part... she tells my friend 2 things very specific and detailed that when my friend told me it was all I could do to hold back the tears. I thought OMG how could she know that because I have not told ANYONE what I have been going through. As I have said many times before, I am a very private person and I never reveal personal things about myself... not even to my close friends. But then here is where it gets creepy...She tells my friend places I have lived in my life!!

Here is where my mind starts reeling... is it possible I know her? Is it possible she knows me? Maybe she googled me.... Who is this bitch?!!!

I can come up with no rational explanation. So I broke down and called her... I blocked my number and I said I'd like some info about a reading please. She said I have been waiting for you to call me ****** (Insert my name) Someone on the other side really needs to talk to you. Please send me your birthday and time you were born.

How? How do you explain this to me?!! How is this possible? I am a scientist at heart... how is this possible?!!!

Do You Have This?

So my husband randomly pointed out that I sleep on the wrong side of the bed. I was like no... no I don't. Then he said why do you always have to be closest to the door? He said every place we've ever lived, you have always had to be close by a door.

I had never thought about it at least not conscientiously, but after he mentioned it I realized that is true. Whenever I am in class I have to sit by the door. Whenever I am at home, I have to sleep on the side of the bed that is closer to the door. It doesn't matter which side it is... it just has to be by the door. No matter where I go I always make note of where the doors are and the closest paths of escape to these doors.

So I decided I would google to see what in the world was the root cause of needing to always be close to a door... it turns out there is a thing called agoraphobia... Apparently it has to do with a fear of not being able to escape.

Although I have not gotten to the root of this, I at least know what it is now. I have never thought of myself as having panic issues or anything like that... But according to the DSVM-IV it's classed as a panic disorder.

Is it possible this is a crock of hooey? Do we really need a label? I don't swing into full panic mode if I can't be by a door. It doesn't cause me severe distress, but if given the choice that's what I would prefer. Is it really any different than preferring the color pink over the color purple?

Seriously, if there is anyone out there that knows about this stuff please come enlighten me...

Motives

I always question people's motives. There is always a reason why a person does a thing. Take for example... I really like shopping. But why do I like shopping? Because I have learned to associate it with being happy. I shop because I get something emotionally out of it.

When judging people's motives one always needs to look past the obvious and into the psychological realm. Well, obviously, you would need some psychology background in order to do this, but once you have it it is absolutely amazing! I can sit back and simply watch a person for a few minutes and I can tell you almost anything you need to know. I may not be able to tell you the specifics of their life, but I can tell you what their characteristics are. I can tell you what makes them tick.

I believe that this is the greatest weapon anyone can have. The ability to read a person and know what makes them tick.