For those of you who don't know, I am a United States Marine Corps veteran- and in case you're wondering: NO I would never go back. I have been thinking quite a bit lately about being a veteran and active duty...
As I look back at my time in service, what I gave up was not worth it. I look back now and wondered why I ever gave it up; to fight a war some presidents said were good for us? For all you gung-ho active duty people, spare me the ensuring your freedom speech. I've heard it at least a thousand times before...
I gave up far more than what the officials of the country deserve and at the end of the day, I am expendable to them. Every single person in the military regardless of branch is expendable. Out of everybody though, females are the most expendable. We are treated the worst. It is common knowledge that they (males) don't want us there and they make sure to tell us that we don't belong. They make fun of us for being weak and nasty because we need a shower every 3 days for our feminine hygiene needs. We are weak because we cry sometimes. We are weak because we can't run as fast as the males. The list goes on and on and on...
You may be wondering what is it I gave up? I gave up who I was and everything I loved. I walked away from it all. I am a disabled veteran now. I wasn't weak and I didn't let them break me... not for lack of trying on their part like putting me an 8 month pregnant woman on hard labor as a punishment for something I didn't even do. And yes they do crap like that ALL THE TIME. I could go on and on, but I'll save it for more blogs...
I have had to deal with this and face it all week. I had to sit there and read my SRB so I can give parts to my VSO (Veteran's Service Officer). At the end of the day, the only thing that happens is I wind up a lot more angrier!
Where do I go from angry? I don't want to live in a constant state of anger, but the more I am forced to face this mess, the more it triggers me. People don't understand I have a huge black storm inside me. Some days I can calm it other days there's no chance in hell it will calm! It isn't a matter of if I snap, but rather WHEN. I got away from this lifestyle for a reason and yet here I am being forced back into the lifestyle and the type of people I can't stand. The type of people that I want nothing to do with. I don't care which branch you go to, the males all think alike. They may not say anything the first time, but it wont be long before they do and when they do it will be inappropriate, hateful, spiteful, humiliating, and demoralizing.
Better lock your wives, daughters, and sisters up... they effing everybody up in here....
More to come in a later blog
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Friday, June 4, 2010
Moral Waivers... Really?
I was in the Marine Corps. I sit back and I look at all the people from the Marine Corps and the majority of the time I step back. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach. The best way I can describe it is to say it relates closely to hate. It isn't all of them, but it is the majority of them. They are always the same. Even though I am technically one of them; I am not one of them. I am proud I am not one of them.
Here's where ignorant people would say she's downing the military. Here is where I say, you're ignorant and you have no clue about things that really go on in the military. The military is not a place for women. Here's where the feminist will try to jump in my crawl. I still stand by what I said. Until they have been there and experienced it, to me, their opinions don't matter. How can you have an opinion on something that you've never experienced? That would be like saying I like pizza but then admitting you've never eaten pizza.
It isn't that women aren't capable of doing the jobs. It's that at the end of the day men are men. Some men are educated and refined while others are just incapable of turning those instincts off. Some men care, but the vast majority of the men in the military don't care and that's where the problem comes into play. Let's think about this logically for a minute; Why are these men going to be sensitive to women? They are trained to be rough, tough, and trained to be killers. How is one going to be able to flip the switch from killer to sensitive?
The military claims they have a high moral standard, but they don't. Has anyone ever heard of the "moral waiver" or "character waiver"? These waivers allow pretty much anyone to get in. Drug dealers, users, thieves, and even rapists. Please watch this new segment with Katie Couric to see about the "moral waiver" that allows this convicted felons to enter our military.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCV6HSKNeNo
So to women thinking about joining the military, I have one thing to ask... Why? Why would you want to subject yourself to the dangers? You have a better chance of surviving combat than you do surviving the males.
Here's where ignorant people would say she's downing the military. Here is where I say, you're ignorant and you have no clue about things that really go on in the military. The military is not a place for women. Here's where the feminist will try to jump in my crawl. I still stand by what I said. Until they have been there and experienced it, to me, their opinions don't matter. How can you have an opinion on something that you've never experienced? That would be like saying I like pizza but then admitting you've never eaten pizza.
It isn't that women aren't capable of doing the jobs. It's that at the end of the day men are men. Some men are educated and refined while others are just incapable of turning those instincts off. Some men care, but the vast majority of the men in the military don't care and that's where the problem comes into play. Let's think about this logically for a minute; Why are these men going to be sensitive to women? They are trained to be rough, tough, and trained to be killers. How is one going to be able to flip the switch from killer to sensitive?
The military claims they have a high moral standard, but they don't. Has anyone ever heard of the "moral waiver" or "character waiver"? These waivers allow pretty much anyone to get in. Drug dealers, users, thieves, and even rapists. Please watch this new segment with Katie Couric to see about the "moral waiver" that allows this convicted felons to enter our military.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCV6HSKNeNo
So to women thinking about joining the military, I have one thing to ask... Why? Why would you want to subject yourself to the dangers? You have a better chance of surviving combat than you do surviving the males.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Creepy...
I don't know if you're like me, but I am very skeptical of psychics. I will say this, I believe there are some real ones out there, but I believe the majority of them are fake. Now with that being said, I am going on to my story....
I have a friend who will not be mentioned. She went to go see a psychic recently. The psychic repeatedly asked her if she had a friend by my name. Here's where it gets creepy... My friend never talked about me to said psychic. Said psychic has never met my friend before. My friend obviously was not wearing anything with my name... had no pics of me... and so forth. My name is not a common name. In all my life, and I have lived all over the country, I have only met 3 other people with my name. My name is not common. Okay but that isn't the creepy part... she tells my friend 2 things very specific and detailed that when my friend told me it was all I could do to hold back the tears. I thought OMG how could she know that because I have not told ANYONE what I have been going through. As I have said many times before, I am a very private person and I never reveal personal things about myself... not even to my close friends. But then here is where it gets creepy...She tells my friend places I have lived in my life!!
Here is where my mind starts reeling... is it possible I know her? Is it possible she knows me? Maybe she googled me.... Who is this bitch?!!!
I can come up with no rational explanation. So I broke down and called her... I blocked my number and I said I'd like some info about a reading please. She said I have been waiting for you to call me ****** (Insert my name) Someone on the other side really needs to talk to you. Please send me your birthday and time you were born.
How? How do you explain this to me?!! How is this possible? I am a scientist at heart... how is this possible?!!!
I have a friend who will not be mentioned. She went to go see a psychic recently. The psychic repeatedly asked her if she had a friend by my name. Here's where it gets creepy... My friend never talked about me to said psychic. Said psychic has never met my friend before. My friend obviously was not wearing anything with my name... had no pics of me... and so forth. My name is not a common name. In all my life, and I have lived all over the country, I have only met 3 other people with my name. My name is not common. Okay but that isn't the creepy part... she tells my friend 2 things very specific and detailed that when my friend told me it was all I could do to hold back the tears. I thought OMG how could she know that because I have not told ANYONE what I have been going through. As I have said many times before, I am a very private person and I never reveal personal things about myself... not even to my close friends. But then here is where it gets creepy...She tells my friend places I have lived in my life!!
Here is where my mind starts reeling... is it possible I know her? Is it possible she knows me? Maybe she googled me.... Who is this bitch?!!!
I can come up with no rational explanation. So I broke down and called her... I blocked my number and I said I'd like some info about a reading please. She said I have been waiting for you to call me ****** (Insert my name) Someone on the other side really needs to talk to you. Please send me your birthday and time you were born.
How? How do you explain this to me?!! How is this possible? I am a scientist at heart... how is this possible?!!!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Do You Have This?
So my husband randomly pointed out that I sleep on the wrong side of the bed. I was like no... no I don't. Then he said why do you always have to be closest to the door? He said every place we've ever lived, you have always had to be close by a door.
I had never thought about it at least not conscientiously, but after he mentioned it I realized that is true. Whenever I am in class I have to sit by the door. Whenever I am at home, I have to sleep on the side of the bed that is closer to the door. It doesn't matter which side it is... it just has to be by the door. No matter where I go I always make note of where the doors are and the closest paths of escape to these doors.
So I decided I would google to see what in the world was the root cause of needing to always be close to a door... it turns out there is a thing called agoraphobia... Apparently it has to do with a fear of not being able to escape.
Although I have not gotten to the root of this, I at least know what it is now. I have never thought of myself as having panic issues or anything like that... But according to the DSVM-IV it's classed as a panic disorder.
Is it possible this is a crock of hooey? Do we really need a label? I don't swing into full panic mode if I can't be by a door. It doesn't cause me severe distress, but if given the choice that's what I would prefer. Is it really any different than preferring the color pink over the color purple?
Seriously, if there is anyone out there that knows about this stuff please come enlighten me...
I had never thought about it at least not conscientiously, but after he mentioned it I realized that is true. Whenever I am in class I have to sit by the door. Whenever I am at home, I have to sleep on the side of the bed that is closer to the door. It doesn't matter which side it is... it just has to be by the door. No matter where I go I always make note of where the doors are and the closest paths of escape to these doors.
So I decided I would google to see what in the world was the root cause of needing to always be close to a door... it turns out there is a thing called agoraphobia... Apparently it has to do with a fear of not being able to escape.
Although I have not gotten to the root of this, I at least know what it is now. I have never thought of myself as having panic issues or anything like that... But according to the DSVM-IV it's classed as a panic disorder.
Is it possible this is a crock of hooey? Do we really need a label? I don't swing into full panic mode if I can't be by a door. It doesn't cause me severe distress, but if given the choice that's what I would prefer. Is it really any different than preferring the color pink over the color purple?
Seriously, if there is anyone out there that knows about this stuff please come enlighten me...
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Motives
I always question people's motives. There is always a reason why a person does a thing. Take for example... I really like shopping. But why do I like shopping? Because I have learned to associate it with being happy. I shop because I get something emotionally out of it.
When judging people's motives one always needs to look past the obvious and into the psychological realm. Well, obviously, you would need some psychology background in order to do this, but once you have it it is absolutely amazing! I can sit back and simply watch a person for a few minutes and I can tell you almost anything you need to know. I may not be able to tell you the specifics of their life, but I can tell you what their characteristics are. I can tell you what makes them tick.
I believe that this is the greatest weapon anyone can have. The ability to read a person and know what makes them tick.
When judging people's motives one always needs to look past the obvious and into the psychological realm. Well, obviously, you would need some psychology background in order to do this, but once you have it it is absolutely amazing! I can sit back and simply watch a person for a few minutes and I can tell you almost anything you need to know. I may not be able to tell you the specifics of their life, but I can tell you what their characteristics are. I can tell you what makes them tick.
I believe that this is the greatest weapon anyone can have. The ability to read a person and know what makes them tick.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Family History
It's been two and a half years since my grandfather passed away. So today I want to switch gears and talk about him.
I never realized as a kid how special he was. I never realized that he had such great moral values, but looking back on his life now I realize that my grandfather was a great man and I am very proud to claim him as MY grandfather.
It started out as a love story. My grandfather met my grandmother and he said it was love at first sight. They "courted" for about a year and then they were married. But shortly after being married my grandfather got drafted into WWII. My grandmother decided to fill her time as a school teacher. She had a great love of children.
Here in itself is another amazing story... He was a combat medic and he survived! I don't know what he was like before he went to war, but I know what he was like after. He was still a people person, but I knew he carried scars in his heart. My grandfather was a hardened man. In military terms we call it bearing...
My grandfather was gone for three years before he could return to his love. Once he returned, they settled bought a house and then several years later they started having kids. They had my mom, my uncle, and my aunt.
One day my paw-paw took my grandmother to the dentist because she had a tooth ache. The dentist lanced it and told her to go on about her business. The problem was, it wasn't a tooth ache at all... It was cancer.
Two years later my grandmother died. In 1961, there was no good cancer regiment. My grandfather took her all over the country to specialists. He even took her to NYC and then he tried to make it fun for her while they were there. He took her to the Statute of Liberty and The Empire State Building. He spent every dime he had trying to save the "love of his life" but in the end it didn't work.
Here in itself is another amazing story.... Back in the late 50's and early 60's it was socially unacceptable for a man to be a single father. If something happened to the mother, the children were always shipped off to the orphanage. It was taboo for a man to raise his children.
After my grandmother died, they came and told him he had to ship his children off to the orphanage and my paw-paw looked at them and said NO!! He refused to do it. He said I will do whatever it takes to my family together. He was always very realistic about it. He said I know it's going to be hard. I know there are going to be changes, but we will make it and that's exactly what he did.
He raised his kids all by himself and he said many times it was not easy. I'm sure many single parents would tell you the same from today's time. I believe that it was harder back then though because it was a social taboo. There weren't a lot of resources for single parents and he had to learn parenting by trial and error... not that all new parents don't do that, but you get the idea.
I know from experience in my own family that when you depend on somebody else's help it is very hard to have to re-adjust into going solo.
Of course, he had issues with his two girls. My mom (since she was the oldest) got put in the mom position. At the age of 12, my mom had to begin cooking breakfast and dinner for the family. In addition to that, she had to start doing the entire family's laundry and basically fulfilling the role the mom would play. I can remember many times, my mom saying, all she wanted to do was go outside and play with all the other kids but instead she had to stay inside and cook or do laundry.
It wasn't fair to my mom, but it had to be done. My paw-paw couldn't do everything. Even to this day, my mom is still kind of the head of the the siblings. They still ask her for advice and comfort.
The point is, we all have choices. In everyday life, we all have choices that will affect us in ways we won't realize until much later in life. In my paw-paw's case, he knew that his choice would affect him immediately, but he didn't know how it would affect the kids until much later.
So I want to give him the credit that is due him. He was a great man. He had a strong moral and value system and he didn't let anyone sway him from them. He didn't care who you were.
On an ending note, I just want to briefly convey one of my very last memories of him... Some of you may or may not know, but I was a US Marine. When you are done with boot camp, the Corps hold a "graduation" for your family. I want every one of you to know, my Paw-Paw was there. He drove hours upon hours just to come see me graduate. For the first time in my life, he told me how proud of me he was. He didn't have to tell me though because I could see it in his eyes. He was beaming with pride. Someone and I don't know who caught a picture of him speaking to me and then breaking into a hug. It is my most cherished picture I have of him now because I can go back and relive the words he said to me and the feelings I had right at the moment.
I love you Paw-Paw!!!
I never realized as a kid how special he was. I never realized that he had such great moral values, but looking back on his life now I realize that my grandfather was a great man and I am very proud to claim him as MY grandfather.
It started out as a love story. My grandfather met my grandmother and he said it was love at first sight. They "courted" for about a year and then they were married. But shortly after being married my grandfather got drafted into WWII. My grandmother decided to fill her time as a school teacher. She had a great love of children.
Here in itself is another amazing story... He was a combat medic and he survived! I don't know what he was like before he went to war, but I know what he was like after. He was still a people person, but I knew he carried scars in his heart. My grandfather was a hardened man. In military terms we call it bearing...
My grandfather was gone for three years before he could return to his love. Once he returned, they settled bought a house and then several years later they started having kids. They had my mom, my uncle, and my aunt.
One day my paw-paw took my grandmother to the dentist because she had a tooth ache. The dentist lanced it and told her to go on about her business. The problem was, it wasn't a tooth ache at all... It was cancer.
Two years later my grandmother died. In 1961, there was no good cancer regiment. My grandfather took her all over the country to specialists. He even took her to NYC and then he tried to make it fun for her while they were there. He took her to the Statute of Liberty and The Empire State Building. He spent every dime he had trying to save the "love of his life" but in the end it didn't work.
Here in itself is another amazing story.... Back in the late 50's and early 60's it was socially unacceptable for a man to be a single father. If something happened to the mother, the children were always shipped off to the orphanage. It was taboo for a man to raise his children.
After my grandmother died, they came and told him he had to ship his children off to the orphanage and my paw-paw looked at them and said NO!! He refused to do it. He said I will do whatever it takes to my family together. He was always very realistic about it. He said I know it's going to be hard. I know there are going to be changes, but we will make it and that's exactly what he did.
He raised his kids all by himself and he said many times it was not easy. I'm sure many single parents would tell you the same from today's time. I believe that it was harder back then though because it was a social taboo. There weren't a lot of resources for single parents and he had to learn parenting by trial and error... not that all new parents don't do that, but you get the idea.
I know from experience in my own family that when you depend on somebody else's help it is very hard to have to re-adjust into going solo.
Of course, he had issues with his two girls. My mom (since she was the oldest) got put in the mom position. At the age of 12, my mom had to begin cooking breakfast and dinner for the family. In addition to that, she had to start doing the entire family's laundry and basically fulfilling the role the mom would play. I can remember many times, my mom saying, all she wanted to do was go outside and play with all the other kids but instead she had to stay inside and cook or do laundry.
It wasn't fair to my mom, but it had to be done. My paw-paw couldn't do everything. Even to this day, my mom is still kind of the head of the the siblings. They still ask her for advice and comfort.
The point is, we all have choices. In everyday life, we all have choices that will affect us in ways we won't realize until much later in life. In my paw-paw's case, he knew that his choice would affect him immediately, but he didn't know how it would affect the kids until much later.
So I want to give him the credit that is due him. He was a great man. He had a strong moral and value system and he didn't let anyone sway him from them. He didn't care who you were.
On an ending note, I just want to briefly convey one of my very last memories of him... Some of you may or may not know, but I was a US Marine. When you are done with boot camp, the Corps hold a "graduation" for your family. I want every one of you to know, my Paw-Paw was there. He drove hours upon hours just to come see me graduate. For the first time in my life, he told me how proud of me he was. He didn't have to tell me though because I could see it in his eyes. He was beaming with pride. Someone and I don't know who caught a picture of him speaking to me and then breaking into a hug. It is my most cherished picture I have of him now because I can go back and relive the words he said to me and the feelings I had right at the moment.
I love you Paw-Paw!!!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Changing Gears (Explicit Language Warning)
So I am going to change gears here for this blog. I have something that has really been bugging me and I feel like I need to get it off my chest...
How many times in your life have you met a person that refuses to take responsibility for their own actions? It's anybody or anything's fault besides my own. That ideology makes my blood boil! Can I start smacking people yet? GRRR!!! I won't go into details because I tend to be a private person, but I can tell you this... At the end of the day you had a choice and you made it. Whether it was good or bad no one forced you to do anything you didn't want to do.
My next thing is "I didn't know it was wrong." Excuse my language, but BULLSHIT!!! If you didn't know it was wrong why did you go to such great lengths to lie about it? If you didn't know it was wrong, why did you put so much thought into hiding it? Why did you go to so much trouble to keep it a secret? All I can say is the hell you didn't!!!
I have no use for this. None. The first step into being the person you want to be is being able to admit that it was ALL your fault. The second step is to be remorseful. I mean REALLY being sorry... not just some dumb act. I'm hear to tell you people see through the scam. Third, figure out the problem and you tackle that problem head on. You do whatever it takes to fix it and I'm not just talking about doing whatever it takes to make it right between you and the person. I'm talking about having the gumption to feel things you never wanted to feel. Having the gumption to deal with the issue(s) that caused the problems to begin in the first place.
Changing is not easy. No one ever promised a bed of roses... But at the end of the day you either have what it takes or you don't. If you don't then it's time for you to go crawl under a rock and die. Life is all about change. You either adapt and overcome or you die.
I get sick and tired of hearing some people's sad sob stories about why they couldn't make it. I'm hear to tell you yes you can. If you want something bad enough, you'll do whatever it takes. If you want to overcome drugs and alcohol, you do whatever it takes. You dump bad influences... you change your life and the schedule. You stop going places that make you want to do the same things. In other words, you do it because you want that change.
It's time to cut the bullshit. Stop being a damn coward. Stop with the dumb excuses. My patience is gone.
How many times in your life have you met a person that refuses to take responsibility for their own actions? It's anybody or anything's fault besides my own. That ideology makes my blood boil! Can I start smacking people yet? GRRR!!! I won't go into details because I tend to be a private person, but I can tell you this... At the end of the day you had a choice and you made it. Whether it was good or bad no one forced you to do anything you didn't want to do.
My next thing is "I didn't know it was wrong." Excuse my language, but BULLSHIT!!! If you didn't know it was wrong why did you go to such great lengths to lie about it? If you didn't know it was wrong, why did you put so much thought into hiding it? Why did you go to so much trouble to keep it a secret? All I can say is the hell you didn't!!!
I have no use for this. None. The first step into being the person you want to be is being able to admit that it was ALL your fault. The second step is to be remorseful. I mean REALLY being sorry... not just some dumb act. I'm hear to tell you people see through the scam. Third, figure out the problem and you tackle that problem head on. You do whatever it takes to fix it and I'm not just talking about doing whatever it takes to make it right between you and the person. I'm talking about having the gumption to feel things you never wanted to feel. Having the gumption to deal with the issue(s) that caused the problems to begin in the first place.
Changing is not easy. No one ever promised a bed of roses... But at the end of the day you either have what it takes or you don't. If you don't then it's time for you to go crawl under a rock and die. Life is all about change. You either adapt and overcome or you die.
I get sick and tired of hearing some people's sad sob stories about why they couldn't make it. I'm hear to tell you yes you can. If you want something bad enough, you'll do whatever it takes. If you want to overcome drugs and alcohol, you do whatever it takes. You dump bad influences... you change your life and the schedule. You stop going places that make you want to do the same things. In other words, you do it because you want that change.
It's time to cut the bullshit. Stop being a damn coward. Stop with the dumb excuses. My patience is gone.
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